~LeT ThE sILeNcE sPeaKs~

Tolong sampaikan pada si dia…
Tolong beritahu si dia aku ada pesanan buatnya
Tolong beritahu si dia, cinta agung adalah cinta-Nya
Tolong beritahu si dia, cinta manusia bakal membuatnya alpa

Tolong nasihati dia, jangan menyintaiku lebih dari dia menyintai Yang Maha Esa
Tolong nasihati dia, jangan mengingatiku lebih dari dia mengingati Yang Maha Kuasa
Tolong nasihati dia, jangan mendoakanku lebih dari dia mendoakan ibu bapanya

p/s:Thanks Wardah for fowarding this to me

Ya Rabbul Izzati,
jika aku rindu,
rindukanlah aku pada seseorang yang merindui syahid di jalan-Mu,
Ya Allah,
jika aku rindu,
jagalah rinduku padanya agar tidak lalai aku merindukan syurga-Mu,
janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan indahnya munajat di sepertiga malam terakhir-Mu
jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki dan rindu abadi hanya kepada-Mu
kepada-Mu kuserahkan takdir cerita hidupku, kedukaanku, kegembiraanku dan kebahagiaanku…
maka Ya Khaliq, pandanglah aku dan peliharalah diriku
akulah manusia yang sering lupa…

 today is the day when my students marched their ways to the final of a choral speaking competition. they had worked very hard for it and i i think they deserved to be in the final round. they
had never made it this far before and i am VERY proud of them *wink* however i felt like kicking myself hard for not being there when they were performing. (haaaaiiiyak!!!!). there were some miscommunications and i thought the competition would only start at 2. they were the first group to perform and obviously, i missed their very last performance. (bencinye!!!). i almost broke down when they told me they had performed *tears* there will be no more choral speaking practices after this and i have already missed the time we had shared together. despite the pains and agonies that they had put me through, they had never failed to give me some wonderful memories that i would cherish forever. they are among the reasons for me to stay in this school for the practicum. (i seriously have considered the idea of postponing my practicum).dear choral speakers, if only you could hear me "I AM SO PROUD OF YOU GUYS!!!"

Assalamualaikum…

Anyway, there are also some ppl who had asked me "ko ader tunggu sape-sape ker?" My answer is YES, of course I am. But the problem is, Cik Aziati pn tak tau sape yg dier tunggu. hehehehe =) Confuse eh? Ok lets make it simple. Of course i am waiting for somebody  who is destined to me. Kalo ditakdirkan ALLAH ader jodoh kt dunia ni, maka seseorg yang saya sendiri tidak tahu siapa dan dari mana akan datang juga dalam hidup saya, jika tidak di dunia, maka inshallah di akhirat kelak. Semuanya dgn izin ALLAH. Since i dont know who the person is, i think it is clear that the previous quote is not dedicated to a specific person.It just that semoga ALLAH sedang memberikan
saya dan sesorg itu kesempatan untuk menggunakan masa yang ada ini
supaya berusaha menjadi seorang hamba yang lebih soleh dan muslih
sebelum bertemu. Ameen.So harap entry kali ni dpt clearkn sume pertanyaan2 yg telah dititipkn kepada saya (fuh ayat).

p/s: Since I’ve learned that there are some ppl who constantly lurking around in my blog, I started to wonder whether or not i have written anything benificial to the readers. Adakah saya telah memanfaatkan masa yang dipinjam kepada saya untuk menulis sesuatu yang mengingatkan readers kpd ALLAH? Allahu’alam. Semua perbuatan kite di dunia ni akan dipertanggungjawabkan kelak bukan? Smoga ALLAH masih sudi memaafkan kejahilan dan kezaliman saya. 

I managed to
finish a malay novel last night. I know it is a crazy thing to do when you have
to go to school on the next day. Nevertheless, i was so immersed with the novel
that my mind could not register the phrase "stop and off to bed now".
Nway, here’s one of my favourtie quotes from the novel  "Relevankah aku di
hatimu?" (Thanks Jijah!)

How nicely put. Think about it readers…pen-off.

there are certain things in life that are worth waiting for…
even if they take forever
and because i am still believe
i’ll keep holding on until the final breath of mine

bersabarlah…
dgn sabar yg paling indah
setiap cerita punya hikmah
teruskan melangkah
menyingkap rahsia ALLAH

p/s: walaupun mereka tak pernah dan tak akan pernah mengerti
      (Al-Hadeed: 22-23)

ok, we got it! The fuel price hikes up like crazy…and to make it more frustrating, it happens exactly a week after i own my very first time car!JeM! Benci tol. I went to KL yesterday and guess what? it costs me RM 40 for only 14.87 litres of petrol. It’s not even 15 litres ok and read: its not even a full tank of petrol for a kancil! and to reach kl, i have to spend almost RM 100 just for the petrol, excluded the toll. Saiko tol. How i miss the former price of RM 1.92/ litre. Now that the oil price has hiked so much, the question is, what would u do next? I remembered chatting with koyee and his newly pregnant wife, ida  (alhamdulillah) few days before i left to kl and here are some of what we had come out with:

papehal pn, like it or not the new price will stay. so, try to plan your trip and reschedule your  expenditures. all the best peeps!

WARNING!

This entry might slash some people’s hearts. DO NOT READ it
if you considered yourself as a sensitive person. I have zilch tact so I’m a
bit scared to make another statement, in fear of having you misunderstand it.
You’ve been warned!

"… but perhaps you hate a thing and
it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And
Allah Knows, while you know not".

                                                                                  (Al Baqarah: 216)                                                                                                                           

I came across this verse last night but unlike days before,
this verse has really struck me eversince. Being a reflective person like i always do, I just couldn’t
help myself from start reflecting my journey of life. What I write later might
sound cruel to some people, but try to read it with an open heart and mind. Just try.

I had never been able to overcome my sadness of loosing two
of my best friends, arwah Shah and the late Sarah Andrews. I often thought that
they shouldn’t ‘go’ when I really need them most. I know how iman-less it sounds.
*Sigh* (Pardon me Ya ALLAH ) However, last night, as I read this verse, I started to feel calm for
the first time ever since they have gone. Why? I love to share with you the reasons.

SHAH

I think I understand it now why ALLAH takes him away.
Perhaps HE wants to reward him for all his good deeds and makes him stays in
tranquil. He had been (and will always be) the best friend that ones could ask for. Nevertheless,  life had been difficult for him. Though he had lotsa problems, he as how i remembered had always in zest and had never once failed to put on his radiant smiles. I remembered jokingly asked him "eh mak ko kasi ko makan ape ek kecik2? selalu senyum jek bile ade probs?" Hopefully, Shah tenang di sana. Berehatlah puas2.  And as for me, I think  perhaps ALLAH wants me to be more independent
and a better muslimah. Though alhamdulillah I was born as a muslim, I cant
consider myself as a good one since I hardly religiously and fully practicing and
understanding Islam. I may pray 5 times per day, recite Quran as often as I could (and can)
but ironically, I still went out with guys, sometimes without being accompanied
by other girl friends. It was not until I was in Auckland, I learned that such behavior
is prohibited in Islam. Although me and my guy friends had never done anything
like holding hands, watching movies (I have never been to cinemas!) or sitting
close to each other, still, the act of going out together with guys (just the
two of us) is wrong. If Shah were still around, I might have a hard time
explaining it to him. I might still going out with him (sometimes just the two of
us I bet), have a long chat on phone or often asking him helps without even
bother to learn doing things on my own. Don’t get me wrong ok. It’s not that I’m
glad that he’s gone, I still cry at times whenever I think about him, it just..
things happen for reasons…and I think I’ve started to understand some of the
reasons. And yes, I still miss him heaps! AL-FATIHAH

SARAH

Having heard that your best friend had committed suicide is
not a pleasant news that you normally heard…at least not for me. (To those who
are wondering what had happened to her, I think I had posted an entry about her
some time last year. You can check it out yourself). Nway, her departure taught me
that life is too short to be wasted and you should have cherish your friends all the
time..and while you can still.  I feel
like kicking myself for not always being by her side or even bothered to tell her how much I love
her and how honoured I am for having her as my friend. I know it is  way TOO LATE to say it now but somehow I just hope that I had a chance to let her know
this. Knowing you and the times we spent  together are among the most splendid things
that had ever happened to me.  Thank you.

 
TO ALL READERS

Please don’t get me wrong. Never once in my life I ever felt
glad or relief that they are gone…read me NEVER! I used to questioning myself “kenapa
ALLAH selalu tarik org yg aku sayang bila aku benar2 lemah dan tidak berdaya?” I
know thing happens for reasons. As the verse goes “But perhaps you hate a thing and
it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah
Knows, while you know not” I think I nail it now.  Thank you ALLAH for every thing.

Semoga aku sentiasa kuat menghadapi hari-hari yang
mendatang.

at present, im left  all
alone in my apartment. everybody is either gone back home or chilling out
somewhere. darn, i should have just follow nik and ejal td. kinda regret now. nway, i
have no intention at all to pen downing my current-state-loneliness though. it’s
about something else. i was browsing at my old diary ( yes peeps, i still keep
my old diaries for some unknown reasons..and yes, i did browse them sometimes)
when suddenly i came across a piece of yellowish parchment. my heart skip a beat or two. the
long forgotten paper. it was written and
given by my old buddy who is no longer with us today. i remembered he wrote it
when we had a dinner with ed and jay and some other ed’s girlfriends.it was
dated back in the year of 2003..some time after i had a severe heartbroken for
syok sendiri (serves me right..ditto). the paper writes

God, how can i not miss him? my old buddy shah! he
was trying hard enough to cheer me up that he end up writing those beautiful
words on the back of ‘his just bought NIKE sport shoes tag’.he even undergone
quite a length of troubles just to pass me the notes without anyone ever realizing
it. was i looked that miserable?  i
wonder what would he do if he learned that i am ok now but still struggling to
prioritize right.  it’s a steep learning curve i guess.. and i can go
years before i can master the art. i determine to double my effort and master
it soon..at least before i reach 23 (dapatkah?) huhuhu~ pen-off.

p/s: ed is a female ok…and is a mother to a cute 3 year old boy.

i don’t wanna make the same mistake all over again
but somehow im starting to loose my grip
it hurts and it’s killing me slowly
i know im sinking deeper in the abyss of nowhere
but I just cant pull myself up, no matter how hard i tried
Ya Allah, please make me stronger so that can go through
this moment of weakness without having a scar I have to carry for a long time
im not sure if I have any courage left to brazen this
moment
yes, im scared…but i cant afford this hiatus
i surrendered…i have been check-mated